


In My Veins

by rebel_rogue



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Recovery, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Semi-Slow Burn, Slice of Life, Slow Romance, background stormpilot, reylo au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 07:30:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18405989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebel_rogue/pseuds/rebel_rogue
Summary: Rey Niima has been sober for eight months and counting, she plans on keeping it that way. Ben Solo can't seem to shake his demons and group therapy seems like a waste of time until the two cross paths. Rey is drawn to the dark haired man with troubled eyes and a track record worse than her own. Can they learn to live again with each others help or will they merely tear each other apart?





	In My Veins

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write this for a long time, not only does it deal with many issues that are near and dear to my heart but I felt like it would make for an interesting dynamic. This story deals with addiction and very dark elements. I am a recovering addict myself so I promise I will approach this subject with the greatest care that I am capable of.
> 
> A huge thank you to [Stellascully1984](https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofharts1984/pseuds/StellaScully1984) for beta reading this first chapter and brainstorming with me.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy my take on our favorite space lovers. Thank you so much for reading.

**In My Veins**

**Chapter One**

 

**Thursday May 30**

 

There are days Rey Niima waits to fall apart.

She wonders if this is all temporary as she waits for the tell-tale signs of a break down, the call of the void that never comes. Something of slight inconvenience happens and she braces herself for her emotions to finally spill over. But nothing ever happens. She corrects herself with a sigh and soldiers on with her day as if it was simply that, a slight inconvenience. _Normal._

This is how she knows she will never be completely free from addiction, the fear still lingered nearby like an unwelcome ghost.

“I don’t really know how to explain it,” She sighs, shifting in her seat. Luke, her recover councilor, is busy making coffee while she rambles on, murmuring in all of the right places.

“It’s like...nothing crazy happened, a light didn’t shine down, and I didn’t hear angels sing,” She lays back against the cushions while Luke sets a steaming mug on the coffee table between them. “But something did happen, a shift, I guess. I’d been drowning and just like that my feet touched solid ground and I could breathe again.”

“That’s good isn’t it?” Luke studies her over his spectacles. She knows he’s being polite as he usually becomes inpatient with her deep ranting during their appointments, mostly because she’s trying to avoid a topic.

“It scares me,” She grabs the mug and takes a sip. “This coffee is awful.”

“Focus, tell me what you’re feeling right now,” Luke grabs his iPad and begins to type a few notes while she contemplates whether she wants to be a smart ass or not.

“Like I said it scares me, I feel like any moment I’m going to get pulled back out into deeper water. It shouldn’t be this easy to get back to shore right?”

“You tell me,” Luke shrugs, his fingers tapping away at the keys.

“No, it shouldn’t,” She decides. “If I keep fighting the waves, I’ll eventually escape, if I slip up even once I’ll start drowning all over again.”

“Like your father’s fate?” Luke poses the question casually, but she bristles, defenses up instantly.

“Once an addict, always an addict.”

“But it doesn’t have to define you, right?” Luke asks this with narrowed eyes, not missing her vague avoidance of her least favorite topic.

“It doesn’t, but the current is strong and there are times I used to worry that something would happen and pull me under; take me too far out again.”

“But now you’re treading water,” Luke offers, setting his iPad on the table to study her.

Rey looks up from the mug of pale brown liquid she’s been holding onto like a life preserve, knuckles white. She pauses, considering the old man in front of her before answering.

“No, I’m on the shore. For the first time in my life, I’m on the shore and I feel like everything is going to be alright.”

 

**☀☕☀☕☀**

**Friday, May 31**

 

“Rey?”

“In here!”

Iris totters into the kitchen, arms full of the morning mail. Rey watches as her mother stumbles, a single magazine slipping from her grasp and landing on the floor with a loud smack. She moves quickly to rescue her mother from the inevitable explosion of mail that is sure to happen.

“How was work?” Rey removes half of the burden from Iris. Crisis averted, Iris gently pats her cheek in thanks, startling Rey with the unexpected contact so much that she jerks back.

An awkward silence follows, Iris busying herself with the shuffling of envelopes, clearing her throat.

“It was work,” Iris replies breezily, unable to completely hide the hurt in her voice at her rejection and hands Rey a few envelopes.

She glances down at them, mostly brochures for rehabs in the area and tosses them into the garbage. Iris’s eyes linger on the garbage compartment for a few moments before she busies herself making tea.

Rey knows Iris will pull them from the trash when she leaves the room and keep them, just in case. She found her stash of them, hidden in the junk drawer while organizing one day. Iris has the fear as well.

She studies Iris, the older woman looking all of her forty-five years in that moment, worry lines creasing at the corners of her mouth and around her light brown eyes. On the outside Iris always look put together; crisp, clean clothes in neutral colors, flawless skin, not a single chestnut lock of hair out of place, but Rey had gotten better at reading her mother; looking between the lines.

“Do you have to return to the clinic tonight?” Rey takes a mug of tea as Iris passes it over.

“No, I’m not on call this evening.” Iris blows on her tea, impatient, and Rey watches as her eyes flick to the trash compartment once more.

They continue to chat about the trivial details of their day while Rey chops vegetables, sipping their cooling tea, all the while Iris is making fidgety glances toward the trash.

Kes comes home smelling of engine oil and announces he needs a shower before dinner. Rey washes her cup and places it on the drying rack.

_Normal. This is so normal._

That night, before Rey goes to her room, she retrieves the brochures from the garbage and silently places them in Iris’s hands who clutches them to her chest, shame coloring her features, eyes apologetic.

“It’s okay, if it makes you feel better.” Rey gives her mother a peck on the cheek, something she has never done. “Good night, Momma.”

“Good night baby…”

The next morning, when Rey goes to dump the coffee grinds, she finds her mother had placed every single brochure in the trash.

**☀☕☀☕☀**

**Tuesday, June 4**

 

“Do you ever feel like you don’t deserve to be happy?”

Rey ponders Luke over her mug of tea. The question startling her more than she cared to admit.

She licks her lips before answering, “I wouldn’t say that, I’m just unsure of what to do with it.”

“With happiness?” Luke asks, pushing his glasses higher up onto his nose before typing a few notes into the iPad perched on his lap.

“With any of this,” Rey sets her mug on the coffee table. “I’ve been alone most of my life. It’s strange, having people who love me.”

“Do you let them?”

Rey pauses at that, thinking. Does she? It wasn’t that she didn’t love her mother, she had been alone most of her life, after her father abandoned her at the age of five. She had no idea her mother was even alive until she was hospitalized on her seventeenth birthday. A few phone calls from CPS and Rey was reunited with Iris as well as a new step-father, Kes Dameron, who was a widow himself and with him came Poe, her new step-brother.

In a matter of hours, Rey had an entire family, and she would always be eternally grateful for that.

Though it doesn’t help that Iris treats her as though she were made of glass, not that Rey blames her. She had given her mother a lot of grief the five years between returning home and now.

“I try,” She lets out a sigh. “I think I’ve made a lot of progress these past eight months…”

“You have,” Luke offers smiling. “I’ve only worked with you for that long, but your past councilors tell me you were quite the little shit.”

Rey snorts at that, smiling. She enjoys her casual relationship with her mentor, he doesn’t bull shit her and she appreciates it more than anything. It’s one of the reasons it had been so easy to open up and work with him.

“How are things with Poe?” Luke stands to make himself a cup of coffee. “Are you still getting along?”

“Yes, he has a boyfriend now, we’re supposed to be meeting him this weekend.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Nervous?” Rey twists a loose thread on her tank top between her fingers. “I want him to like me, I’ve embarrassed Poe so much in the past...It would be nice to have someone he loved accept me.”

“You are not who you were yesterday,” Luke reminds her. “Every day you make great progress.”

Rey offers him a small smile of gratitude and takes a sip of her tea. Luke leans against his filing cabinet studying her and Rey knows he’s about to bring it up again, he usually does every few weeks.

“Want to talk about Roy?”

She shakes her head and stares out the window. “I’m not ready to talk about my father.”

Luke nods, it’s the same answer she gives every time he asks, and he does not push.

“I have a group meeting tomorrow and I know you hate group session, but I think with how much progress we’ve made, you would benefit from this.”

She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair, a habit she’s formed when trying to stall and think of an excuse.

“We can only draw on ourselves for strength for so long, Rey.” Luke takes his seat across from her. “Addiction is a lifelong battle; it helps to surround ourselves with those who understand us the most.”

“Is that what you did?”

“For a long time, I didn’t, but I didn’t get where I am now by continuing to isolate myself.” He gives her a wry smile. “Had it not been for my sister’s incessant need to be in my business, I probably would still be on that mountain numbing my pain.”

Rey nods, itching to ask questions. She knew Luke was- _is_ , an addict. Of what she doesn’t know and has never deigned to ask. His past is as murky as hers and all she knows for certain is that he kept to himself in a cabin in the wilderness of Oregon long before she had ever met him.

Looking at the older man now, she could never imagine what he would have been like before he was sober.

“I’ll come,” She decides out loud. “Just once, I’ll give it a chance.”

“Good girl,” Luke pulls his iPad back into his lap and begins to type a few notes while Rey studies a family photo on his desk.

Luke has his arms thrown around a woman, his sister she assumes, and next to her a roguish man presses his face into her ear. In between them a young boy watches them, his face captured mid-laugh.

Its Rey’s favorite picture in the office.

“The session begins at seven tomorrow,” Luke places his iPad onto the coffee table and walks her to the door. “I will see you then?”

Rey nods and bids him farewell, making her way to her beat up Honda parked outside.

As she prepares to back out, a figure catches her eye; a familiar looking man standing just a few feet away, watching her.

He’s impossibly tall, broad chested though his face is thin and angular. Dark eyes catch hers and she feels a chill run from the top of her head down to her toes. He’s dressed in dark jeans and a long-sleeved V-neck, despite the sweltering heat outside, and she can make out swirls of ink just below the collar of his shirt.

He watches her for an uncomfortably long time before she sees Luke pop his head out and shout something to the man who stares at her a moment longer before turning heel and disappearing inside.

**☀☕☀☕☀**

That night Poe comes to dinner and Rey shares her decision to attend group therapy over steak and salad. A smile threatens to split Iris’s face in two and she gives Kes’s hand a reassuring squeeze, as she always does when Rey does something that pleases her. Poe rolls his eyes at her mother’s not so subtle gesture.

“I think it’s great you’re going to group,” Poe spears a cucumber on his fork and pops it into his mouth. “Maybe you’ll finally meet some friends.”

“Poe!”

“Oh, Rey knows I’m just playing, Iris.” Poe grins sheepishly at his sister. She smirks at him from across the table, shaking her head.

“It’s wonderful, darling.” Iris agrees, giving Rey another scoop of salad. “And it would be lovely if you could meet some friends, but just make sure they won’t lead you away from your goal.”

Rey feels a familiar flush of head across her chest. She knows Iris means well, though it does sting a little, that she thinks her so weak.

“They’re all going to be sober,” She points out, careful to keep resentment from coloring her tone.

“Yes, but you know.” Iris flutters her hands dismissively, bringing her glass to her lips. Rey catches a whiff of the wine inside and her stomach churns slightly.

“Should you be drinking around Rey?” Poe asks, his gaze darting from Rey to her mother.

“Rey said she doesn’t mind,” Iris’s tone is defensive, and Rey feels a swell of anxiety when Poe’s jaw twitches.

“Yeah but-“

“It’s fine, Poe.” She interjects before they can start arguing, grabbing Poe’s hand. “I’m really fine, I’m not going to jump across the table and attack her for it, I swear.”

“I know, Rey, jeeze I didn’t mean it like that.” Poe gives Iris an irritated glance but relaxes.

“Talk later?” She asks vaguely.

“Yeah, talk later.”

She smiles and returns to her dinner, releasing his hand.

Kes cleared his throat and began to talk about his day and the rest of the meal was spent discussing his new aviation restoration project, effectively taking the attention from Rey.

Poe shared a meaningful glance with her, and they lapse into silence.

 

**☀☕☀☕☀**

 

Later, after the dishes are clean and Kes and Iris are tucked away in their office to finish paperwork, Poe and Rey settle themselves in the backyard to watch Bo, the family dog, dart around the yard.

Poe is sitting in one of the worn wicker chairs while Rey sits at the pools edge, dipping her legs into the cool water.

“I’m sorry about dinner,” Poe speaks first, “I shouldn’t have said anything; I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You’re just looking out for me, I get it.” Rey drags her legs through the water, watching it lap against her skin. “You know how Iris can be.”

“I love Iris,” Poe starts with a sigh. “I just don’t see why she has to do or say some of the things she does.”

Rey shrugs, kicking her foot up, spraying droplets of water into the air.

“I understand, you haven’t lived home all of this time.” Rey sighs, tugging at her tank top that has begun to stick to her back. “I really am okay if they drink in front of me.”

Poe snorts and Rey turns to give him a meaningful look. His jaw is set, mouth in a thin line, brown eyes avoiding her gaze. She had thought him to be rather handsome when she first met him and might have even been attracted to him at first, though that felt like a million years ago. Before she knew him as just her brother, before she knew he was gay.

“I’m fine, honestly.”

His eyes dart to hers and he visibly relaxes, letting out a sigh as if he had been holding his breath.

“I believe in you _passerotto_.”

She smiles at his pet name for her, and returns her gaze to the yard, watching as Bo takes off after a lizard darting among the pale rocks and sand, his orange coat glistening in the Arizona sun.

“I love you, Rey, I hope you know that.”

She glances at him once more, his gaze fixed on Bo, avoiding her. She turns away smiling, kicking her legs against the cool water.

“I know, and it means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

They lapse into a comfortable silence, watching as the day fades into night, the sky giving way to pinks, oranges, and purple hues.

Everything will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> *Poe's nickname for Rey is a term of endearment meaning "Little Sparrow" in Italian.  
> |  
> |  
> |  
> |  
> http://drughelpline.org/ (US)  
> Addiction hotline: 1-888-633-3239 (US)  
> International #: +44 345 222 350


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